


The empty room in my heart

by smaragdbird



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Amnesia, Dubious Consent, M/M, Minor Jessika Pava/Rey, Sexual Slavery, Slavery, at best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-02 02:27:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6546856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smaragdbird/pseuds/smaragdbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the book Poe wakes up on Jakku after the crash with a concussion and has trouble remembering what happened. He also meets a scavenger who looks him up and down and says that he might just scavenge him.<br/>Of course Poe's memory comes back and the scavenger is all lol, jk and gives him a lift to town.<br/>What if the head injury was more severe and the scavenger less friendly?<br/>The scavenger finds this gorgeous human wandering around the desert, lost with no memory of who he is. He's like a gift from the gods and could bring in fortune on the slave market.<br/>Finn and the Resistance end up finding and rescuing Poe. Either after getting intel from a spy who spots him or running across him during another mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The empty room in my heart

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this ](http://tfa-kink.dreamwidth.org/2821.html?thread=4037125#cmt4037125) prompt

Sometimes he dreamed of a man with dark skin and short hair with earnest honest dark eyes and a beautiful smile. Finn, the man’s name was Finn, he was sure of it. Finn wore a gleaming white uniform and he was important, why else would he remember him when he didn’t remember anything else prior to waking up in the desert?

He had been lucky a scavenger had found him or he would have died there on Jakku. Sure, said scavenger had sold him at the nearest outpost but it was better than being dead. He had been lucky. Instead of being sold for labour he had been sold to a brothel to learn how to please the members of a myriad of species. Two months later he had been sold for the last time to Jela Fortuna, the current ruler of Tatooine.

“Lorda?” He asked as he quietly entered the room. His naked feet barely made a sound on the polished floors. Tatooine was a warm planet and he wore nothing but a short, slit skirt and a collar that showed his status as slave. 

“Come in, pet”, Jela said. He was sitting in bed but he had clearly been awake for some time already. 

“Good morning, lorda”, he said and bowed. He sat down the tray on the nightstand and prepared the tea as Jela liked it. His master didn’t pay attention to him and instead read something on his holopad. “Is there anything else you require, lorda?” He asked once he was finished. Sometimes Jela liked to fuck him to relax before turning to his day’s business.

“Just your mouth, I have a busy day before me”, Jela said and pushed back the sheets. He crawled between Jela’s pale green legs. His master preferred to sleep naked and last night had been no exception. As he worked he could tell Jela was distracted. He was still reading on his holopad and was only half-heartedly carding a hand through his hair. Usually it was the most common display of affection from his master. As a Twi’lek Jela didn’t have hair but seemed to find it fascinating. But this morning the gesture felt lacking.

Only when Jela climaxed he received his full attention. Jela buried both hands in his hair to push his cock down his throat. One of his first lessons in the brothel had been not to gag.

“Go to your training, pet”, Jela said afterwards. “I’ll see you at lunch.”

“As you wish, lorda.”

/

Another lesson at the brothel had been that slaves needed to maintain their figure and fitness to prolong their usefulness. He liked to train with the guards. It gave him a sense of usefulness that if it came to it he could protect his master.

“You’re late”, Seyda said as he arrived on the training grounds. She was a Zabrak from a long line of mercenaries and rumour had it one of her ancestors had worked for the Jedi during the Clone Wars.

“Take your complaints to lorda Jela”, he replied.

Seyda rolled her eyes. Like all guards she wasn’t a slave. But he knew she was saving her money to take her daughter to the Republic. Adessi was force-sensitive and was thus a prime target for slavers since she would fetch a fortune on the slave market.

“Stretch and then meet me outside for a run”, she told him and he responded with a mocking bow.

There were some whistles from the other guards as he bent over to loosen his back and his thighs. His outfit as befitting a pleasure slave left very little to the imagination. However they all knew better than to touch their employer’s property.

He still threw one of them a wink of his shoulder as he followed Seyda outside. 

She was shaking her head as she saw him. “One of these days you’re going to lead one of them into trouble.”

“It’s not my fault if they cannot resist me.” He grinned at her. 

Seyda bared her sharp teeth in return. A Zabrak’s smile was never anything short of terrifying. 

They started off in an even pace. It was still early in the morning and the heat was still bearable. Like humans, Zabraks had evolved to hunt their prey to exhaustion but unlike humans they were completely carnivorous and Seyda could hold out a lot longer than he could.

But then she was a guard and he was a slave.

“What next?” He asked when they made it around the palace ten times and the suns started to rise above the walls. “Hand to hand?” They had stopped at one of the fountains and he splashed water on his face and torso to cool himself.

Seyda shook her head. “Lorda Jela expects a guest tonight. I’ll not waste bacta to repair your pretty face if I can avoid it. Just stretches, running and weight lifting today.”

“If you want me to do stretches I can’t vouch for the behaviour of your fellows guards”, he grinned until Seyda unceremoniously shoved him into the fountain.

“I’ll get you to admit that you fancy me one of these days”, he said, sweeping his dark hair from his face.

Seyda rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “That’ll be the day when Mustafar freezes over.”

/

When Jela wasn’t entertaining guests lunch was a quiet affair. Whatever had occupied his mind this morning seemed to have been solved since there wasn’t a holopad in sight when he carried the meal inside. After he had poured his master a drink he settled down at his feet at his command. 

“We’ll have a very important guest tonight”, Jela told him between bites. “If she is pleased Tatooine could soon be trading with the Republic.”

It always pleased him when his master shared information with him. It made him feel like his master trusted him and he wanted Jela to trust him. Jela’s palace was the only home he could remember and his master didn’t treat him badly. He had heard stories of owners far worse than his master.

“I want you to look your best tonight”, Jela continued and offered him a bite from his plate. He ate it from Jela’s hand and licked it clean. His master took his chin and forced his head up until their eyes met. “I’ll hold you responsible that tonight will be a success.”

“Yes, lorda”, he replied and a shiver ran down his back at the cold threat in Jela’s eyes. “I will not disappoint you.”

“No”, Jela said, carding his hand through his hair. “You won’t.”

/

His master had no further need of him after lunch and sent him away with the empty tray. Tatooine’s heat was unbearable in the afternoon and everyone from Jela to the lowest slave on the moisture farms, fled inside during those hours. Work anywhere on the sunny side of the planet wouldn’t commence until the suns would stand much lower in the sky.

He liked to spend the afternoons outside in the water gardens if he could. They were the true heart of the palace and it was said the most beautiful place in the entire system.

Chani was already waiting for him there, sitting at the edge of a fountain with her feet dangling in the water. She was a blue skinned Twi’lek who had been purchased by Jela at the same time and from the same brothel as him. Twi’lek slaves were seen as prestigious and rare since Ryloth had made itself independent thirty years ago. But Chani’s parents had been farmers on Saleucami and she had been abducted from there around the same time he had woken up on Jakku with no memories.

Now nine months later and heavily pregnant she was relieved of most of her duties. There was some uncertainty who the father was since Jela didn’t believe in contraception for his female slaves. Any child they bore was also a slave and could be sold once they were old enough or retained to replace others in his own household. Although there was a persistent rumour that he would free and marry the woman who bore his fully blooded twi’lek child.

“Nerra”, she called and waved at him. Nerra wasn’t his name, he didn’t have one. It was the Ryl word for brother. Since they had stuck together right from the beginning she considered him family.

“Hello”, he said and sat down next to her. “How are you?”

She sighed and threw her head back which made her lekkus fall from her shoulders. “My feet hurt, my ankles are swollen and my back hurts. I still don’t like the food here and I’m homesick”, she listed dryly. “Did I forget something? Oh yes, I don’t know whose child I’m carrying but it better not be that sleazy Weequay.”

“Maybe it was that Togruta”, he said. “Didn’t you say half-twi’leks get patchy skin with both of their parents’ colours? Orange and blue wouldn’t look so bad.”

Chani splashed him with her feet. “Did you dream of your prince again?” She asked to change the topic. She was the only person he had told about Finn and Chani had promptly spun it into a tragic love story where Finn had been his previous owner’s son and when their relationship had been discovered his owner had mind wiped him and left him to die in the desert.

He nodded but since he didn’t want to talk about Finn, he said, “We’re getting a visitor tonight. Someone from the Republic.”

“A man or a woman?” Chani asked.

“A woman. If we impress her then Tatooine could start trading with the Republic.”

“Let’s hope you’re her type then.”

“And I hope she’s a mon calamari. Those tentacles are something else.” He grinned as Chani playfully shoved him away and pressed the other hand on her stomach.

“Stop that. I won’t have my baby hear such filth before it’s even born.”

“What if it’s lorda Jela’s?” He asked her suddenly.

Chani rolled her eyes. “What of it? Then he has another Twi’lek he can sell for a high profit margin.”

“But if – “

“It’s just a rumour. I can’t believe you actually think he’d marry a slave girl. You’re such a romantic.”

“You’re the one who thinks I ended up here because of a star crossed love story.”

“Fair enough.” Suddenly she cringed as if in pain. 

“Chani?” He asked alarmed. “Do you want me to get help?”

She shook her head. “He’s just kicking so much.”

“He? You know what gender it is?” That was news to him.

“No, I just…I hope it’s a boy. I hope it’s a small ugly boy so he won’t up as a labour or a sex slave.” She sounded so forlorn that he slipped his arm under her lekkus around her shoulders. He wished he could take her far away, back to her family or maybe to Ryloth. She’d be safe there. But the chips implanted in them made sure that they would die the moment they left the planet without permission even if they somehow made it onto a ship.

“Good thing it’s not our child then”, he said lightly. “Your beauty combined with mine…that’d be too much for one child.”

She laughed if only a little but it was the best either of them could do in their situation. And, he reminded himself, it could be much worse.

/

“We should go”, Chani said as the suns started to sink. “You’ll have to get ready for tonight.”

“Will you help me?” He asked, standing up.

“Of course”, she replied and took his hand to get to her feet. “Be glad you’re not a girl”, she said, rubbing her stomach.

He didn’t answer. When Chani had first found out she was pregnant, she had cried night after night. She had seen it as one more shackle and even though she pretended to be more cheerful now, he knew she still felt the same. Chani had a life she could remember, she had friends and family and a home. 

He had none of these things. All he knew were Jakku’s slave market, the brothel and Jela’s palace. Having a child might not be so bad, something that was his, especially if it was Jela’s child or – 

“Hello my pretty.” He and Chani were halfway to their rooms when he heard those words. Only one person called him that. Damir was the captain of Jela’s guard. A tall, broad and well-muscled human with skin as dark as Finn’s in his dreams. He was very attractive and liked to show off by walking around shirtless when he was off-duty.

When Damir grabbed him and pulled him against him, he went without resisting. Where the other guards would’ve never dared to touch him like this, Damir had proven his loyalty to Jela again and again and could skirt the line a bit.

“I’m sorry I missed your training this morning”, Damir said, his lips brushing along the side of his neck that sent shivers down his spine. “I heard you were quite a sight.”

“I’m always a sight”, he countered.

Damir laughed. “That’s true.” His voice dropped as his lips followed along the shell of his ear. “I’ll get you alone one of these days.” His threat shouldn’t have been as enticing as it was. Damir was a very attractive man and he’d be lying if he hadn’t thought about it.

Damir’s free hand wandered up the slit of his skirt before he stopped him. Fortunately Damir never crossed the line even though he probably could have. Instead he laughed again and laid his hand against the side of his face. “I’ll let you go for a kiss.”

That was as far as they had ever taken it but Damir’s kisses held a promise that made him want more.

“When I buy you”, Damir promised as he let him go, “I won’t let you leave the bed for a week.”

“Just a week?” he asked, pretending to be disappointed. “I won’t let you leave for a month.”

“Be careful what you promise”, Damir grinned and slapped his ass. “Take him Chani, before I take him right here in this hallway.”

He threw Damir another smile over his shoulder before Chani managed to pull him into their room.

/

The guest was a human woman with long black hair and almond shaped eyes. She wore a brown uniform with the Republic’s insignia pinned to it that looked drab against the finery of Jela’s clothes. He though that her eyes widened slightly when he entered but the impression was so fleeting that he had probably imagined it.

Since she had come alone he was serving both of them. Jela had ordered some of the finest delicacies the systems he ruled over could provide.

Chani had helped him with the makeup, lined his eyes with khol and emphasised his lips with gloss. His dark hair gleamed like obsidian and he could feel Jela’s guest’s eyes follow him all the time.

Her name was Jessika Pava and she was a commander under General Organa, who needed all the resources she could get to fight the First Order.

“I thought the Republic does not trade with criminals”, Jela said after the desert had been finished.

“Desperate times, desperate measures”, Jessika replied. “The old Republic had an agreement with Jabba the Hutt during the Clone Wars. “

“Well said, but I’m too hasty”, Jela smiled apologetically. “It is tradition on Tatooine to relax before starting negotiations. Feel free to use my slave to relax. He was trained at Artemisia and is quite skilled.

Jessika declined. “Men are not to my taste and I am married.”

“No one has to know.”

“My wife is a force user. She’d know.”

“What a shame you’re missing out on this”, Jela traced his mouth with his thumb. “But please, allow one of my other slaves to give you a massage while I use his mouth.” Jela waved his hand and Oola walked into the room. She was an elderly green Twi’lek with scars running over the left side of her body. She had already been at the palace when Jabba the Hutt had ruled here. Rumour had it she was Jela’s mother and going by his pale green skin that rumour could actually be true.

/

When he brought his master his breakfast the next morning, Jela was reading his holopad as so often but instead of tense he seemed relaxed and put it aside as soon as he was done preparing Jela’s tea.

“I just received the confirmation that the Republic will send another, bigger envoy for the trade negotiations”, Jela told him. He carded his hand through his hair affectionately. “You did your job very well, pet. I should reward you. Get on the bed, on your back.”

His heart started beating faster. It was rare for his master to fuck him like this. To be able to see Jela’s face when he came was so intimate that he cherished each memory he had of it.

He slipped out of his clothes and lay down on the bed as his master had ordered. Jela crawled over him one of his lekkus brushing his side as he did.

“Keep your hands above your head”, Jela said. “I don’t want you to touch yourself unless I allow you.”

“Yes, Lorda.”

Jela leaned down and kissed him, sharp teeth nipping at his lips until he tasted blood. He liked the way Jela kissed him, so full of possessiveness. He liked being reminded that he belonged to someone now.

Jela teasingly ran a hand down his chest and followed the outline of his hipbone with a single finger then along the inside of his thigh.

He let out a low whine as Jela broke the kiss and sat back on his heels. It seemed to amuse his master. “Not so impatient, pet. I said I’d reward you and I will.”

/

“I’m sorely tempted to have you run laps until your feet bleed for being so late”, Seyda told him when he arrived at the training grounds.

“Are all Zabrak so surly or is that just you?” He shot back.

“Leave him alone Seyda”, Damir said, standing so close behind him that his chest brushed his back. “Didn’t you hear how Jela rewarded him? It’s a wonder he can even walk normally.”

He tilted his head to look at Damir. “It takes more than one around to make me limp.”

Damir held his eyes. “Is that a challenge?”

“Why, do you have enough credits to buy me?”

Damir laughed, a deep, rich sound that made him shiver. He bit his lip. He wanted Damir but as long as he belonged to Jela it was a line he wouldn’t cross.

“Soon, my pretty”, Damir said, resting his hands on his hips, his fingertips teasingly dipping below the line of his skirt for a moment. “Soon.”

“Come on”, Seyda said and pulled him away from Damir. “We’ll take two laps around the palace and then I want to see if you still remember your hand to hand lessons.”

“I could show him some hand to hand”, Damir offered.

“I doubt he would learn anything new from those lessons”, Seyda replied.

“You can’t blame me for trying.”

“Yes, I can. And you”, she hit his arm. “Stop encouraging him and start running.”

“I’ll see you later, my pretty”, Damir called after him.

He threw Damir a smile over his shoulder but kept quiet out of respect for Seyda.

/

He sat at Jela’s feet when the Republic’s entourage arrived led by a woman in her fifties with grey streaked dark hair and sharp, intelligent dark eyes: the legendary General Organa. Thirty years ago she had been a slave in this very palace and had used her chains to strangle Jabba the Hutt to death or at least that was the most common way the story was told.

She was followed by a man in brown robes who introduced himself as Luke Skywalker. His accent marked him as a native of Tatooine and despite his unassuming attitude he was supposed to be a man who wielded great powers.

Jessika Pava had returned as well with a woman that was introduced as Rey and had to be her wife if he read them right. The last two were a Wookie named Chewbacca and – 

“Finn”, the man he had dreamed about for nine months by now said. He wasn’t wearing white, gleaming armour but apart from that he was exactly like he had been in his dreams. Finn looked at him intently as if he knew he had recognized him.

“General Organa, Master Skywalker”, Jela greeted them. “Welcome back in these halls.”

“Lord Jela”, General Organa replied and gave him a short nod. “I see you retained Jabba’s taste for scantily clad slaves.”

“It suits the climate on this planet much better. I could borrow you one if you wish to change.”

“No, thank you”, General Organa said.

“I never dressed like during the whole twenty years I lived her”, Skywalker said. “But then I was a farmer and those outfits aren’t practical for farming.”

“My offer stands”, Jela replied.

“If I still looked like I did thirty years ago I would take you up on your offer”, Skywalker answered lightly.

“What about companions then? Maybe you, Commander Pava?”

“I only dress like that for my wife and only in the privacy of our bedroom”, Jessika replied.

“And you, Finn, wasn’t it?”

Finn who hadn’t stopped staring at him since the banter had started didn’t seem to have heard the question.

“What? Sorry.” Finn managed to drag his eyes away from him.

“You seem to be quite taken with my pet”, Jela said pleasantly but there was a dangerous undercurrent there.

“No, sorry, I didn’t mean to stare.” But he could feel Finn’s eyes on him again and again during the dinner.

There would be no negotiations tonight, he knew that. Jela always used the first evening to get a feeling for his visitors, tried to find their strengths and weaknesses.

“That was an interesting evening, don’t you think so, pet?” Jela asked later that night when he helped his master undress.

“Yes lorda.” He knelt at Jela’s feet, waiting for further instructions.

“I want you to get close to Finn”, Jela said. “Despite his protests he couldn’t take his eyes off you.” Jela carded a hand through his hair. “Not only did General Organa come herself but she brought two Jedi with her. I don’t trust her intentions. Win Finn’s trust and find out why they are really here.”

“As you wish, lorda.”

“And pet, if you succeed I’ll grant you a favour.”

He stared at his master, taken aback by the generosity of his offer. But he quickly remembered his manners and let his eyes drop. “You are too kind, lorda.”

“Not at all”, Jela replied and placed two fingers under his chin to make him look him in the eyes. ”That favour will not be your freedom”, Jela said sharply.

“Of course not, lorda”, he replied. “Where would I even go?”

His answer seemed to pacify Jela because he smiled. “Where indeed?” He let his hand trail from his chin down over his chest. “Get on the bed on all fours, pet. You made yourself look so desirable tonight, I will not let your efforts go to waste.”

/

The atmosphere in Jela’s palace always changed when there were guests present. The guards were more alert, the servants less visible and everyone was quieter. For the good or the bad they brought, visitors were always a disruption and a part of him wished they would leave and leave soon. 

He hadn’t forgotten Jela’s orders but where he would’ve usually just gone and seduced the target, he was reluctant to do so in this case. Finn scared him. How did he remember Finn’s name and face but nothing else? How did he know Finn? And was Finn the reason he had ended up on Jakku without his memories?

So instead of approaching Finn directly he decided to look through his guest room while he was sure Finn was busy elsewhere. Most people weren’t so dumb to bring indiscriminating documents with them but maybe he was lucky.

He wasn’t lucky, neither with his search nor with his timing. He had barely started to search the room when he heard the telltale chirping and beeping of an astromech outside the door. Despite his lack of any personal memory he had somehow retained his ability to understand multiple languages including binary.

“I know you’re impatient but we have to be careful. We can’t just storm the palace”, Finn said.

“Why not?” The astromech demanded to know.

“Because then Poe could end up hurt or even dead.”

“No.”

“Yes, and that’s why we have to be careful if we want to rescue him.”

“Did he remember?”

“I don’t think so. Who knows what they’ve done to him.”

Finn opened the door and his eyes widened when he saw him. “What…what are you doing here?”

He looked at Finn from under his lashes. “I’m at your service”, he said and reached around him to close the door before the astromech could enter as well. “Unless you like an audience”, he bit his lip.

“I don’t think – “Finn started but he pressed his lips to Finn’s to stop him. Finn kissed back if only for a moment before he gently pushed him back.

“You want me”, he said sultrily. “There’s no shame in that.”

“Just because your master told you to do this doesn’t mean you have to.” The sincerity in Finn’s voice was heart warming.

“Does this feel like I’m only here because I was ordered to?” He asked and placed Finn’s hand on the outline of his half-heart cock beneath his skirt. He leaned in closer and attacked Finn’s neck with his lips. 

“I really don’t think – “

“It is an offense to reject a gift”, he told Finn. “And you don’t want your trade negotiations to fall through, do you?”

Technically he already knew what his master had wanted him to find out. But he also wanted to find out why he had been dreaming of Finn for the past months. Finn clearly recognized him by why hadn’t he said anything yet?

“I – “Finn started, clearly feeling trapped.

“I want you”, he said and it wasn’t even a lie. He nipped at Finn’s earlobe. “If not for your Republic then do it for me. I know I’ll enjoy it and I’ll make sure you’ll do too.”

“This is really not a good idea”, Finn said but he didn’t push him away, which he took as a sign to continue. Protests weren’t anything new. Some people thought having sex with a slave was something inherently immoral. But they always came around. Always.

He pulled Finn’s shirt from his shoulders and made short work of his belt. He left a line of shallow kisses from Finn’s collar bone to his cock. When he looked up Finn looked aroused but still conflicted. “You are gorgeous”, he told Finn and took him in his mouth. He was rewarded with a groan that fell from Finn’s mouth. He bobbed his head, trying to take Finn deeper. Usually this would’ve been enough but for once he wanted more with someone who was no Jela and he had the freedom to take it. He pulled off of Finn’s cock and got to his feet.

“Come on”, he said, pulled Finn away from the door and pushed him onto the bed before straddling his lap. He pressed their cocks together, his just as hard and leaking as Finn’s while with his free hand he searched for the oil that was kept in every bedroom, even the guest rooms. Jela liked to keep his guests entertained.

“We should really not be doing this”, Finn said and it was starting to annoy him.

“Do I look like I’m unwilling?” He asked as he coated Finn’s cock with oil. “Do you think because I’m a slave I do not have a mind of my own?”

Finn looked at him, then slowly shook his head.

“Good”, he said and started to sink down on Finn’s cock. “Then shut up about it.”

It had been months since the last time he had been fucked like this. Riding someone was reserved for high ranking guests that his master wanted him to show off to. Jela himself preferred to fuck him on all fours from behind or flat on his back as a reward.

He enjoyed Finn more than he had any previous encounters. He couldn’t stop kissing him, couldn’t stop touching him and all the while the one question lingered on his tongue. “Why am I dreaming about you?”

He didn’t ask. Not when Finn wrapped a hand around his cock and made him come. Not when Finn spilled inside him. Not when he cleaned Finn up and Finn kissed him so sweetly he couldn’t bear it. Not when Finn asked him to stay and he declined.

He told Chani though when he returned to their room. Not that the entourage was here to rescue someone but that Finn was the same Finn he dreamed about.

“Maybe he’s here because of you. Because he’s been searching for you.”

He scoffed. “He didn’t say anything when I was with him. Maybe he has a twin or something.”

“But why didn’t you ask him?”

He shrugged, unwilling to admit that he was scared. This life was literally all he knew. That his dream man was real already felt like he was betraying Jela’s trust.

“I need to go”, he said quickly before she could prompt him to reveal his thoughts or how much he had skirted the line already.

/

“Did you find anything, pet?” Jela asked him when he came to help him get dressed for the dinner. “The guards told me you became quite close to Finn.”

Nothing happened in his palace without Jela knowing about it.

“They are looking for someone, lorda”, he told Jela. “Someone named Poe. That trade negotiations are simply a ruse for a rescue mission.”

“well done”, Jela actually sounded impressed and his chest swelled with pride. “What do you want then, pet? Damir perhaps? I have seen how he looks at you. Or maybe Chani? You two seem quite close.”

“You said I couldn’t choose my own freedom and neither would I want to, lorda”, he assured him quickly. “This life is all I know and it is a good life.”

“But it is someone else’s freedom you want.”

“Yes, lorda. Chani’s.”

“Are you saying Chani is unhappy here?”

“She misses her family. I would like to see her return to them.”

“And if I say no, what would wish for then?”

“Safe passage for Seyda and her daughter to the Republic.”

“So selfless, pet”, Jela carded his hand through his hair. “Do you want nothing for yourself?”

“I have everything I could want, lorda”, he said and tried not to think about Finn.

“I will think about it”, Jela said. “Either Chani or Seyda and her daughter, one of your wishes will be granted as I promised you. Now bend over the desk. I will erase every memory of Finn from your mind before you have to see him again.”

/

“Do you refuse to admit that you came to my palace under false pretences?” Jela asked. His voice was polite but with a steely undertone but he kept carding through his hair. “That you’re searching for Poe Dameron?”

He watched as Finn’s eyes widened and Jessika blanched. For some reason they both looked at him.

General Organa’s face remained unchanged. “And do you refuse that you brainwashed him and kept him prisoner?”

Jela laughed. “There is no such man in my court, neither as my prisoner nor anything else.”

“He sits right at your feet like a pet instead of a human.” Her voice dripped with disgust. If he had been allowed to speak he would’ve told her that he liked his position. His master was kind and treated him well and had given him a place. She didn’t know who she was talking to.

He felt everyone’s looks upon him including Jela’s. “Him?” His master seemed to find the idea alone that he was this Poe ridiculous. “If you’re so desperate for a pleasure slave I’m happy to provide you with the coordinates of the brothel I bought him from.”

“He is Poe Dameron”, General Organa insisted.

“Allegedly Poe Dameron is the best pilot in the galaxy”, Jela said and placed two fingers under his chin to tilt his head up. “Does my docile little creature really fit that description? Mind you his mouth and arse have let me see stars more than once.”

“How dare you – “Finn was on his feet, glaring at Jela.

“Hold back your dog, General”, Jela said. “It’s bad enough he defiled my property already. I should demand recompense for that as well as this farce.” 

“I...it wasn’t like that”, Finn stuttered. He looked so ashamed that he felt the urge to tell everyone that Finn had not defiled him at all. That he had gone to Finn on his master’s orders. That he had wanted Finn like he had never wanted anyone before.

“What if I gave you proof?” General Organa said.

“There is no proof I would accept”, Jela replied. “Nothing that cannot be manipulated, especially by a Jedi.”

“So you refuse to give him back to me?” There was a dangerous glimmer in her eyes and he was all of a sudden reminded of the rumour that she had strangled Jabba the Hutt to death with her own hands.

“If you had ever used him like I have, you would refuse, too”, Jela smirked. “If you had truly come to negotiate I might have been willing to share him out to you. It wouldn’t the first –“ 

A moment of horrified silence followed the General’s blaster shot. She had hit Jela right between the eyes, killing him instantly. Then chaos broke loose. Orders were shouted, people screamed, more shots followed and the General’s two Jedi activated their light sabres.

He still kneeled at his master’s side, uncertain what to do, what to feel. It all felt unreal. This was a nightmare, just a nightmare and he would wake up any minute.

It was Damir’s scream that brought him back to reality. He had attacked the two Jedi and had managed to disarm the girl, facing Luke Skywalker with her lightsaber.

He was on his feet and stood between them, facing Damir before he could even think about it. “Please don’t”, he said to Damir. “He’ll kill you.”

“I have to do it”, Damir replied, staring over his shoulder at Skywalker.

“Please, I can’t lose you too.” He could feel tears stinging in his eyes.

“I don’t want to fight you if I don’t have to”, Skywalker said.

He grabbed Damir’s jacket and held on to him, tears running down his cheeks. Jela was dead. He had disappointed him, had disappointed all of them. Something clattered to the floor and he felt Damir’s arms around him, shielding him, holding him, protecting him.

“Thank you”, Skywalker said.

/

It was strangely quiet in the aftermath. The Republican soldiers who now guarded the palace didn’t talk and no one else dared to. Those who had fought had been subdued and imprisoned while the rest of them had been herded into the great hall. Even the children were quiet although since it was late into the night that was not surprising. The others gave him a wide berth, clearly blaming him and rightfully so. 

Only Chani had demonstratively walked through the crowd and sat down right next to him, followed by Seyda with a sleeping Adessi in her arms and Damir.

He had to have nodded off because when he opened his eyes again he was leaning against Chani’s shoulder and the first of Tatooine’s suns had just risen above the horizon. 

General Organa had returned flanked by her entourage. Finn searched for him with his eyes but he looked away, not wanting to see him.

“As of this morning Tatooine is under the control of the Republic”, General Organa announced. Her voice carried easily through the hall. “For those of you who have been slaves this means you are free to go wherever you want to. We’ll deactivate and take out your chips today.”

A murmur swept through the crowd.

“We will help you to return to your families and home worlds if you so wish or to any other planet you would like to go.”

The murmur grew louder and he could feel both Seyda and Chani tense next to him. Getting off planet was all they had ever wanted. But what would that mean for him? General Organa seemed to think he was someone called Poe Dameron but he had no memories of that life and he was certainly not a pilot. Maybe Damir could take him with him wherever he went next. 

General Organa walked through the crowd and right towards them, her eyes directly on him. Damir stood in her way. He towered over her and was nearly twice as broad as she as well. “What do you want from him?”

General Organa didn’t seem impressed. “I want to talk to him.”

“You can do that here”, Damir growled.

He placed a hand on Damir’s arm. “It’s fine”, he said, looking at her. “I’ll go with you.”

“Nerra – “Chani said pleadingly.

He turned his head and smiled at her “I’ll be right back.”

He followed her to the smallest dining room, the one Jela had used when he hadn’t had any guests. He had spent many evenings sitting at the ground next to the head of the table.

General Organa’s entourage was there. He refused to look at any of them. “Please”, she said gesturing to a chair, “Sit.”

He only did so reluctantly. This wasn’t his place. He wasn’t supposed to be here.

“What is your name?” General Organa asked.

He hesitated, his eyes flickering from face to face. What would they do if he told them the truth? “I don’t have one. And lorda Jela didn’t think I needed one.”

A gasp drew his attention. It was the girl, Rey.

“How long have you been on Tatooine?” General Organa’s tone was unswervingly kind but firm.

“Seven months and four days.”

“And where were you before that?”

“The Artemsia brothel, for two months.”

“And before that?”

“I was on Jakku, but only for two days until I was sold.”

“What is the first thing you remember?”

His eyes flickered to Finn, he couldn’t help it. “I was in the desert, I was hurt and thirsty and a scavenger found me. He saved me.”

Rey let out a string of curses in a language he didn’t understand.

“Do you recognize any of us?”

Again his eyes flickered to Finn. “I…” He looked at Luke Skywalker and Rey. Jedi were supposed to be able to pull the truth from your head. He wondered if it hurt but decided he didn’t want to find out. “Sometimes I dream about him”, he nodded towards Finn. “He’s in white, gleaming armour. And when I woke up on Jakku I remembered that his name was Finn. I knew it was his and not mine.”

“Your name is Poe”, Finn said suddenly. “Poe Dameron. I didn’t have a name when we met so you called me Finn when we escaped together.”

“Finn”, General Organa said sharply.

His head was reeling. “You…you told your astromech you wanted to rescue someone named Poe from this place.”

“That’s you”, Jessika said. “We heard a rumour you were being held here as a slave and I was sent to investigate. And when I saw you I…” She pressed her hands to her mouth, tears glimmering in her lashes.

It was too much. He needed to get out of here, away from these people who thought he was someone they had known, had risked so much to get back. “But why can’t I remember?”

“May I?” It was the first time he heard Luke speak. He had very kind eyes, he thought.

“Will it hurt?”

Luke shook his head. “I just want to look what blocks your memories.”

He nodded slightly and Luke rested his hand on his head. The gesture was so similar to Jela’s tokens of affection that his heart clenched.

Luke closed his eyes and frowned before he let go. “There is something physically wrong. Something inside his head.”

“Maybe a chip?” General Organa asked.

“I think it’s a splinter, a souvenir from the crash on Jakku together with a concussion and a few drugs they give slaves to make them more amenable to their fate”, Luke replied.

“So if we take it out...”General Organa trailed off.

“I’m not a doctor”, Luke reminded her. 

“We’d like to take you with us to D’Qar”, General Organa said to him.

“Do I have a choice?” he asked quietly.

“I will not force you”, she replied.

“I will”, Jessika said. “You belong to us, Poe.”

“I don’t remember you”, he told her. “But you just destroyed the only life I knew so what choice do I have?” In his bitterness he found little satisfaction in their awkward silence.

/

D’Qar was strangely green and terribly cold compared to Tatooine. Damir, Chani and Seyda had insisted to accompany him and he was more grateful than he could ever say. 

General Organa and the others meant well but he didn’t remember them save for Finn and even then Finn was only a name and a face without anything more substantial behind it. To them he was a stranger just as they were to him.

They had put him in medbay after a scan had confirmed what Luke had suspected: he had a piece of metal in his brain that was to blame for his amnesia. They’d take it out tomorrow and then hopefully he would start to remember his life before Jakku.

The doctor, a Major Kalonia, had explained the procedure to him earlier.

“So you’ll cut my head open and dig the splinter out?” he had asked lightly.

“We won’t cut you open at all”, she replied. “We’ll use a sonic device to reduce the splinter inside your head to dust of molecular size which your body will clean from your brain by itself. The splinter didn’t destroy your episodic memories. Instead its location blocked your brain from recalling them. Once it’s removed you should be able to remember fairly easily.”

“And what if I don’t?”

“This isn’t the only possibility. There is also regenerative therapy and rerouting some of the damaged synaptic structures in your brain. There’s also psychotherapy if your own mind is holding you back from remembering.”

“The guy I was must really be something if you’re going to all this length to bring him back.”

“You’re a great man, Poe and if I look at the friends you have made during your captivity, who have followed you from Tatooine to here, I don’t think this has anything to do with your memories.”

/

“Hey.” It was Finn. He stood there a little awkwardly as if he wasn’t sure if he even wanted to see him or not.

“Hi”, he replied. It was late. Chani, Seyda and Damir had gone to bed already. In fact Chani was sleeping on the other side of the curtain since Major Kalonia had insisted to run some diagnostics on her to make sure everything was fine with her and the baby.

“Can I show you something?” Finn asked.

“What is it?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to be alone with Finn yet.

“Your life before Jakku”, Finn replied.

For months he had only speculated about that life, usually with Chani’s help. He did feel curious but also apprehensive. Because what if it wasn’t a life that was worth remembering? He still got out of bed and followed Finn.

“That’s your room. No one really wanted to believe you were dead so we just left it as it was”, Finn said when they stopped walking and he had opened a door.

He looked around. In Jela’s palace even the servant’s quarters had been at least twice the size of this room. There was a bed, covered in what seemed to be regulation sheets around this base and a large, soft looking, multi-coloured throw. The closet was filled with uniforms: the bright orange flight suits the pilots wore, the brown tunics of the ground personnel, a blue and red parade suit. But there were also off-duty clothes. Apparently he liked V-necks. 

There was a desk under the window that was empty but underneath it were a toolbox and a small fridge. “I hope someone cleaned that out while I was gone”, he said lightly.

“So do I”, Finn replied.

There were holos on the wall: a woman with black hair and a scar bisecting her eyebrow in a flight suit, he himself in a parade uniform, a different one from the one in his closet, with an older man at his side who had to be his father, a group of pilots one of them Jessika mugging for the camera, the little orange and white astromech who Finn had called BB8, himself in front of an X-Wing painted black and orange, General Organa in the middle of giving a speech, two boys with dark hair one of them in a jedi robe and with a lightsaber in his hand, more pictures of people who were clearly his friends…and he had forgotten them just like this. As if they had never existed. As if they had never mattered.

“There’s no picture of you”, he said to Finn.

“We haven’t known each other that long.”

“How long did we know each other?”

“About ten minutes in total. No really”, Finn protested when he gave him a disbelieving look. “I freed you from your cell, asked you if you could fly a TIE fighter, you said you can fly anything, we stole a TIE fighter, shot down a few canons and were shot down ourselves. It was fifteen minutes at maximum.”

“You said I named you.”

“You did. I only had a number before that: FN-2187.”

“I don’t have a name.”

“You are Poe”, Finn said and rested his hands on his shoulders. “You are Poe Dameron.”

“If I don’t remember do you think they’ll let me go?”

“Where would you go?”

“Far away.”

“But why?”

“If I don’t remember they’ll forever see me as someone I am not. I don’t think I could live with that. Not after seeing all of this”, he gestured at the holos on the wall.

“You’ll be fine”, Finn said and squeezed his shoulder. “I’m sure of it.”

/

When he opened his eyes, Finn was the first person he saw.

“Hey”, Finn said. “How you’re feeling?”

“You’re wearing my jacket.”

“Sorry, it was the only thing of yours I could find in the wreckage and I’m so sorry”, Finn’s eyes widened and he hastily started to take the jacket off when Poe stopped him. 

“No, no, keep it. It suits you.”

“You’re remembering!” Finn half-yelled.

“Some things. I remember you asking me if I can fly a TIE fighter.”  
Next to Finn BB8 started beeping and chirping very insistently. Poe hoisted himself up on one elbow and looked down over the side of his bed. “Hey Buddy.”

He reached out and BB8 rolled closer, purring loudly.

“It’s good to see you too”, Poe said, stroking his droid. “How did you make it off Jakku?”

“That’s a story for later”, Major Kalonia said, who had been attracted by Finn’s yelling and BB8’s beeping. She was able to make Finn leave, although reluctantly, but BB8 flat out refused to leave Poe’s side, insistently pointing out that the last time he had left Poe alone it hadn’t ended well.

“I don’t mind”, Poe told her, his hand still resting on BB8’s head. 

“If I had any doubts that the operation worked, they’d be gone by now. Only you and Luke are so indulgent to their astromechs”, She said with a smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I just woke up from a really bad hangover”, Poe replied. “And now all the embarrassing things I did while drunk are coming back to me.”

“It was a little more than that. What is your name?”

“Poe Dameron”, he said without hesitation. 

“And your parents’ names?”

“Shara Bey and Kes Dameron.”

She asked him more question, some he could answer and some he couldn’t.

“Will I get them back?” Poe asked worriedly.

“Your memories are still intact, Poe”, Major Kalonia said. “It’s your ability to recall them that was interrupted by the splinter in your brain. But since you remembered your meeting with Finn right away, your missing memories will probably return when they are triggered by something, a face, a smell, a sound...it could anything.”

Poe let out a relieved sigh. “You won’t believe how good it is to hear that.”

“I can imagine”, she smiled. “Is there anyone you want to see?”

Poe hesitated. He wanted to see all of them, but especially BB8 and Jess and Leia and Finn. But most of all Chani. She would be worried right now that he forgot her or something like that.

“Chani”, he said. “I want to see Chani.”

/

 

Leia looked up from her holopad when he knocked on the door frame. “Commander Poe Dameron, reporting for duty, ma’am.”

“Not yet”, she said with smile.

“I’m okay.”

Leia gave him a stern look. “We both know that’s not true.”

“I’m sorry you had to come and rescue me. To come back to that place...it couldn’t have been easy for you.”

“If I hear even the slightest of suggestions that any of this was your fault, I’m going to ground you permanently.” She sounded genuinely angry with him.

“But the Skywalker mission was meant to be a suicide run anyway. No extraction.”

“No extraction from the First Order”, Leia corrected him. “But you had already escaped them. And I knew you weren’t dead. I don’t leave men behind Poe. Not if I can avoid it.”

“I’m still sorry”, Poe repeated stubbornly.

“And I’m telling you to leave it”, she said just as stubbornly. For a moment they both stared at each other, then both of them started to laugh.

“Sorry”, Poe said.

“Again with the apologies”, Leia replied but her tone was amused now, not angry. She crossed the room and hugged him. “It’s good to have you back, Poe.”

“It’s good to be back”, he replied.

“I’ve talked with your father. I thought it might be a good idea if you go back to Yavin for a week or so to help you recall some of your memories.”

“That sounds like a good idea”, he said. “I don’t remember much yet, especially about home.”

“He’ll pick you up tomorrow.”

“That was quick”, Poe said and then, a bit more worried he added, “It’s just a week, right? I can come back here?”

“Poe”, there was a soft, understanding look in Leia’s eyes. “I just invaded a planet to get you back. You’ll always have a place here.”

“It feels good to hear that.”

“I have a war to win”, Leia said. “And for that I need my best pilot back on his feet.”

“Will do, ma’am.”

/

“Nerra, Nerra”, Chani came into his room with a cheerful grin on her face. “They found my family!”

Poe hugged her. “That’s great.”

“They emigrated to Ryloth after I was kidnapped. And they’re coming here to bring me home.” For the first time in days she glowed with happiness and her lekkus twitched with excitement.

“They’ll be so happy to see you. When are they coming?”

“Tomorrow”, suddenly her face fell. “What am I going to tell them?”

“The truth. They’ll understand.”

She cuddled up against his chest. “Wish you could come with me.”

“I’ll be right here. If you ever miss my handsome face you can just call me.” He said and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“When’s your dad coming?” She asked.

“Tomorrow as well. They think it’ll help me with some of my memories. Maybe I’ll even go back to Yavin for a bit.”  
“I was scared, you know? When you woke up from the operation I was afraid you’d be a stranger. But you’re still you.” She sighed. “It’s been not even a year but it feels like a life time.”

“Tell me about it.”

She hit him in the chest. “I mean it. And now we’re all leaving. I’m going to Ryloth, you’re going to Yavin, Seyda’s going with your Jedi friends so they can teach her daughter and Damir’s joining the Republic forces on Utapau.”

“Damir’s leaving?”

Chani looked up at him. “You didn’t know?”

Poe shook his head.

“Well, like you said we’re all just a call away. We can have reunions and stuff.”

“What, 30 years of remember when we all lived in the palace of Tatooine’s criminal overlord?”

“Something like that.”

Poe leaned his forehead against hers. “I’m really glad we met.”

“Me too”, he could hear the emotion in her voice. “I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you.”

/

“Can I talk to you for a second?” Poe asked when he had finally found Damir, which had been harder than he would have thought.

“Sure, my pretty, what do you need?”

“Chani says you’re leaving.”

“I am.”

“I thought…”

“Poe”, Damir said and laid a hand on his shoulder. “We both know there’s someone with a prior claim to you on this base.”

“I’m not a slave anymore. I can decide for myself.”

“Sure, but you can’t decide for me. I’m removing myself from this equation. Although if that Finn of yours fucks up, call me and we’ll pick up where we left it.”

“As fucked up as it was, I really wanted you to buy me”, Poe confessed.

Damir smiled. “And I really wanted to buy you.” He put his fingers under Poe’s chin and tilted his head up. “How about a farewell kiss, my pretty?”

Poe didn’t need to be told twice. He wrapped his arms around Damir’s neck and pressed their lips together. It was a strange sort of kiss, different from the one’s they had had before. The lust, the desire was still there but there was more. It felt like saying goodbye before they had even had the chance to say hello properly.

“Poe, are you...oh...uhm...nevermind.”

Finn was gone as quickly as he had appeared but it had been enough to catch the look on his face.

“Go get him”, Damir said and smiled.

Poe gave him one last kiss, nothing more than a quick peck. “Thank you.”

/

“Hey”, Poe said and knocked at the door frame of Finn’s open door. “Can I come in?”

“Sure.” Finn scrambled to make room for Poe to sit on the bed. The rooms on base were really not designed with guests in mind. “What do you need?”

“I’m going to Yavin for a bit, a week at most and I wondered if you’d like to join me.”  
“You’re sure you don’t want someone else like you guard captain friend?” Poe liked how Finn wore his heart on his sleeve, especially now where his jealousy of Damir showed on his face.

“I’m sure.”

For a moment Finn smiled but then his face become serious again. “Poe, what happened on Tatooíne…I took advantage of you. I’m so sorry. I really shouldn’t come with you.”

“I should apologise, not you. I remember being pretty insistent. I should’ve stopped when you said no.”

“I didn’t actually say no”, Finn pointed out. “And it wasn’t as if you had a choice.”

“I did. I had already found out that you were really on Tatooine to rescue me, even if I didn’t know you meant me at the time. I didn’t lie that night, Finn. I did want you. I just wouldn’t have acted on it without my orders.”

Finn took a moment to process what Poe had said. “And now?” He asked so quietly Poe barely heard him.

“You’re a very attractive man”, Poe said, his eyes meeting Finn’s. “And I feel safe when I’m around you. And given some time, I’d like a repeat of what we did on Tatooine. Multiple repeats even if you want. For now I’d like a kiss and you coming to Yavin with me.”

“Yes”, Finn said, still holding Poe’s gaze. “To both.”

“Thank you”, Poe whispered just before his lips met Finn’s.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me [ here](http://smaragdbird.tumblr.com/) on tumblr


End file.
